Life has been overwhelming this past few weeks. So many ideas going through my head. Business is doing well, but I’m having a hard time with my work schedule since the younger one has been clingy lately. When I need a breather, I just browse through a book (enjoying Kindle — best purchase it is!) and it helps me relax for a while. Everyday becomes routinary with motherhood tasks, business engagements, socmed updates and all.
Everyone else wonder why stay-at-home Moms feel sad or empty despite “JUST staying at home to watch over the kids all day”, let me be clear with it. Full time moms are (not always) but oftentimes unappreciated. When you do a great job in a corporate setting, the boss will most likely acknowledge your work. It’s just hugs and kisses here. You have to tell yourself that you are doing a good job. Being a full time Mom with no househelp is very challenging. 24 hours is not enough to do all the work. The emotional baggage makes it harder.
You cannot say you are tired. People think you are always available and you are not busy. It’s not justifiable to buy clothes, bags and makeups. You have to keep the house clean and tidy. You have to empty the laudry bin and iron clothes religiously. You have to cook food. You have all the time in the world to exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I see you smiling Mama, you can relate right?
Let me tell you this. You deserve a break. People will judge you one way or another. Damn if you do, damn if you don’t. Learn to don’t give a f*ck in everything you see or hear. Breathe. Give yourself some time. Read a book. Learn a new skill. Join a mommy community. This will keep you sane. You can do this Momma!
Being a stay-at-home Mom is really not for the faint hearted. Last Sunday, I was left in the salon because my hair color isn’t finish yet. I was really disappointed with myself for having that “pamper time” which I really doubted that I deserved. It was my first time again after more than 2 years (last salon visit was December 2019 before the pandemic). The kids went home with the hubby and hubby was not able to rest.
I cried because of guilt — of taking my time off from the kids for almost half day.
I cried because I felt sorry for myself — because I cannot enjoy a pamper time without thinking about my children.
I cried because I kept telling myself that I deserved that few hours of ‘me time’ but my mind says otherwise.
I know that every momma with a situation like me can relate. No househelp, with two kids aged below 10, with a business to focus on. Add in how the society view you as one of the privileged ones, often misconstrued as moms lounging in the house all day and ‘only’ taking care of the kids and being financially dependent on their husbands. It’s a lot of hard work and a lot of patience. Honestly, I do not know how I manage to do it but I am surviving everyday.
But don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being around with my kids. I enjoy it when they come with me when I drive around to do errands for the day. I get unli-smiles, unli-cuddles and unli-kisses. I get to see their milestones and be there for them every step of the way. I love how their eyes twinkle when they see my face as they wake up each morning and their drowsy eyes before they fell asleep at night.
Just today, they asked for a Samgyup date. You can never imagine how happy my heart is seeing their smiles when we arrived at the restaurant.
See the twinkle in their eyes?
For me this feelings are valid. As a SAHM, do you experience it too? ♡
My childhood was a happy one. Memories of afternoons playing with my sister and cousins. Sundays are spent doing groceries and bonding with my family. Evenings being tucked in bed by our Mom. Attending music lessons every Saturday.
Doing groceries every Sunday with my sister and parents. Our Annual recital in the music school.
“This whole pandemic has taken a toll on the mental and social health of children. Luckily, I have two daughters who can interact and play with each other. If it has been hard for us adults, imagine how it was like for them.”
sherwinelaine.blog
Memories of my happy childhood.
I grew up without strict curfew. We were allowed to watch tv or play with our toys even on school days. It’s just that our Mom constantly reminds us about being responsible with our studies and to allot time for every task. I study hard because I know I need to do it for myself and for my future and not because my parents wanted me to study and to assure them that every penny spent on my education is worth it. That is one thing I want my children to learn — to grasps the true meaning of responsibility.
As much as possible, I resist the urge to compare my daughters with each other, much more compare them with other kids. I want them to be the best version of themselves, competing with no one other than their own self. I praise them for their achievements, but at the same time I teach them how to be happy for other people’s success.
“I want them to be the best version of themselves, competing with no one other than their own self.”
sherwinelaine.blog
I want them to learn how to be contented with what they have in their life right now but also to never stop dreaming and working hard until they reach their goals without stepping on others. It’s up to them what they want to be when they grow up — no pressure from us, we will support them along the way.
No matter how busy we are with our everyday lives, we must see to it that we make time to talk and play with our kids. Parents nowadays are guilty of letting their kids play on mobile phones/tablets so that they can take some rest after a whole day’s work. I myself is guilty on this one but not to rest, but to be able to do some household chores. Yes, our children will remember the toys we bought for them, but the memories they will treasure the most are the moments we spent with them.
My parents did not raise us as perfect children: prim and proper individuals with straight A grades who can sing, paint, dance and act. But I was a happy child. I smile when I remember what was it like when I was a child. I can tell stories of my childhood to my kids and painting a smile on their faces. That’s what I want — to raise happy children, not perfect ones.
I always envisioned myself to be on top management position of a big company by the time I was 35 years old but here I am, in sweatpants and my hair in a bun. When I was still working, I secretly hoped that I would just be a stay at home mom and take care of my toddler. Finally when that opportunity came, it was a tough decision for me to leave the career I love to fully dedicate myself to our daughter and family.
Three years later and I realized that being a stay at home mom was not rewarding like I thought it would be. It won’t give you the time to do the things you like and definitely not full of smiles and laughters. Whether you are a working mom, work at home mom or stay at home mom, it’s not easy. Being a MOM is hard.
It took me months to adjust to my new “job”. Being a stay-at-home mom is not like working at all. It’s a 24/7 job without salary, promotion and there are times you are unrewarded and unappreciated.
4 Reasons why being a Stay-At-Home Mom is not Rewarding
1. Vacation leaves and sick leaves are non-existent.
You cannot call in sick and definitely no vacation leaves. I cannot get away from it. And I can’t pee without an audience. I can’t take a shower without hearing a crying toddler and little hands banging the bathroom door.
Some days I am just physically and emotionally exhausted that I would just sit and pause and close my eyes for a while. Suddenly my youngest daughter will crawl into my lap and call me “MOM” then hugs me tight and then everything will magically feel alright.
2. The days when nothing in the world could ever satisfy your child.
In the workplace, when I see a problem or a loophole, amending the policy can solve it. To motivate a staff, incentives and promotions can be given to boost their morale.
It is not applicable as a mom. There were days when your child is cranky that she does not want anything, not her favorite toy or even letting her watch Youtube or giving her screen time to distract her.
After giving them everything, you know what they want? All they want is you. They want you to hold them close, tell them stories and play with them. They want to spend the day with you and not just being around you while you are busy doing household chores.
3. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom means constantly being on the verge of burn out.
When I was working, I often felt stressed out but never burnt out. I love my job and enjoy doing it despite it being challenging and hard.
There are moments that I just wanted to shout and cry my heart out, because I can’t seem to finish all the chores that I need to do despite working nonstop. I just finished vacuuming and mopping the floor, only to find out that my toddler has opened her tumbler and spilled out her juice. You forcefully take the kids to the bathroom to give them a bath. Fifteen minutes later, they do not want to go out because they still enjoy playing in the shower. The constant shouting of don’t do that and no you can’t, but nobody listens.
There are high expectations of being a stay at home mom. Expectations brought about by the unrealistic near perfect world of social media. Expectations are high because there is now a single bread winner to provide for the family, who typically expects all chores to be done regardless of how crazy the kids were that day. Family and friends think you are available at any given moment because you don’t have work, always assuming that you are not busy and just lounging at home all day. Expectations are high because I know myself and the things I am capable of.
4. There is lack of feedback.
In a company, you have yearly evaluation and you have a boss who tells you that what you are doing is right or wrong. There are clear policies and procedures on how things should be done.
Being a stay at home mom has no guide book. No child and parenting style is the same. Your child leaves you clueless and you have to figure out things on your own. You have no one to talk to all day who will understand what you are feeling at the moment.
And at the end of each day, your children sleeps with smile on their faces and you know that you have done good enough.
And then I realized how lucky I am to have the opportunity to raise my children. How I wouldn’t want to miss out on their life’s milestones and being there to hug and kiss them when they need comfort. I’m blessed to see them grow day by day and put up with their craziest days. It uped my creativity. And forced my patience. It pressed my ability to sacrifice for the good of my family. If it weren’t for the days of almost losing it, I would never have time to think how much I loved being a Mother, much more being with my children 24/7.
And then I understand that being a stay at home mom is more rewarding than I ever realized. It just takes more sacrifice and a whole lot of patience.
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For me, being a mom is the most wonderful thing in the world. I remember the moment when I learned I was pregnant with our daughter, Reilly. I am so overjoyed that I cried especially since my husband and I went through a lot to have a baby because I was diagnosed with severe Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Having a child is really a blessing. Being a mom for more than two years (from the time I was pregnant) has taught me life’s greatest lessons as well.
Motherhood is beautiful, but it is not always easy. You will laugh. You will cry. You will become paranoid and upset. Looking at your newborn sleeping is heavenly. Going through the first weeks of breastfeeding is a struggle.
Motherhood is a lifetime commitment. I see myself guiding my daughter as long as I live. I know she will need me even if she will have a family of her own. I know it because when I became a Mom, that’s the time I realized that I need my mom more than anyone in the world to ask for help and advices.
Motherhood is a 24/7 job. Someone will be waking you up in the middle of the night to ask for milk. Never having to go night trips to the bathroom to pee without hearing a little girl cry at the top of her lungs. No matter how tired you get, you still have to attend to all of her needs. More than having a 9 to 5 job, being a mom entails giving all of your time to your little one. Even if it means never having time alone for yourself.
Motherhood is discovering strengths you didn’t know you had. I need to be strong for everything. She needs to see that I will be her source of strength too.
Motherhood is being selfless. It’s about not eating that last piece of fries because it’s her favorite. Telling her it’s ok to eat more of your food because you are already full even when you’re still hungry. Passing on a gathering with friends because no one will take care of your child. It means putting your child first before your own self.
sherwinelaine.blog 