I have been writing journals since forever. It started with my “Dear Diary” days when I was a little child and I knew it somehow started my love affair with writing (and collecting cute notebooks and pens hehe). I just love the feeling of nostalgia whenever I read my previous journal entries — how my day went on that day, how I felt or what I dreamed about. How about you? Anyone into writing journals too? ❤️
Life has been overwhelming this past few weeks. So many ideas going through my head. Business is doing well, but I’m having a hard time with my work schedule since the younger one has been clingy lately. When I need a breather, I just browse through a book (enjoying Kindle — best purchase it is!) and it helps me relax for a while. Everyday becomes routinary with motherhood tasks, business engagements, socmed updates and all.
Everyone else wonder why stay-at-home Moms feel sad or empty despite “JUST staying at home to watch over the kids all day”, let me be clear with it. Full time moms are (not always) but oftentimes unappreciated. When you do a great job in a corporate setting, the boss will most likely acknowledge your work. It’s just hugs and kisses here. You have to tell yourself that you are doing a good job. Being a full time Mom with no househelp is very challenging. 24 hours is not enough to do all the work. The emotional baggage makes it harder.
You cannot say you are tired. People think you are always available and you are not busy. It’s not justifiable to buy clothes, bags and makeups. You have to keep the house clean and tidy. You have to empty the laudry bin and iron clothes religiously. You have to cook food. You have all the time in the world to exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I see you smiling Mama, you can relate right?
Let me tell you this. You deserve a break. People will judge you one way or another. Damn if you do, damn if you don’t. Learn to don’t give a f*ck in everything you see or hear. Breathe. Give yourself some time. Read a book. Learn a new skill. Join a mommy community. This will keep you sane. You can do this Momma!
Being a stay-at-home Mom is really not for the faint hearted. Last Sunday, I was left in the salon because my hair color isn’t finish yet. I was really disappointed with myself for having that “pamper time” which I really doubted that I deserved. It was my first time again after more than 2 years (last salon visit was December 2019 before the pandemic). The kids went home with the hubby and hubby was not able to rest.
I cried because of guilt — of taking my time off from the kids for almost half day.
I cried because I felt sorry for myself — because I cannot enjoy a pamper time without thinking about my children.
I cried because I kept telling myself that I deserved that few hours of ‘me time’ but my mind says otherwise.
I know that every momma with a situation like me can relate. No househelp, with two kids aged below 10, with a business to focus on. Add in how the society view you as one of the privileged ones, often misconstrued as moms lounging in the house all day and ‘only’ taking care of the kids and being financially dependent on their husbands. It’s a lot of hard work and a lot of patience. Honestly, I do not know how I manage to do it but I am surviving everyday.
But don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being around with my kids. I enjoy it when they come with me when I drive around to do errands for the day. I get unli-smiles, unli-cuddles and unli-kisses. I get to see their milestones and be there for them every step of the way. I love how their eyes twinkle when they see my face as they wake up each morning and their drowsy eyes before they fell asleep at night.
Just today, they asked for a Samgyup date. You can never imagine how happy my heart is seeing their smiles when we arrived at the restaurant.
See the twinkle in their eyes?
For me this feelings are valid. As a SAHM, do you experience it too? ♡
We finally had time to visit my Mama Sally and Nanay Pining’s grave. It has been 20+ years and I can’t help but still think of what ifs and what might have beens if my Mom is still here with us.
Afterwhich, we spent the whole day with the kids after a busy week of work. We ate, did a little shopping, strolled at the mall and ate some more. It’s such a happy feeling for both Gheoff and I whenever we see our children’s eyes twinkle with happiness.
We always make sure that we spend time with the kids every weekend while they are still young because I know that they will remember and treasure these memories forever.
My childhood was a happy one. Memories of afternoons playing with my sister and cousins. Sundays are spent doing groceries and bonding with my family. Evenings being tucked in bed by our Mom. Attending music lessons every Saturday.
Doing groceries every Sunday with my sister and parents. Our Annual recital in the music school.
“This whole pandemic has taken a toll on the mental and social health of children. Luckily, I have two daughters who can interact and play with each other. If it has been hard for us adults, imagine how it was like for them.”
sherwinelaine.blog
Memories of my happy childhood.
I grew up without strict curfew. We were allowed to watch tv or play with our toys even on school days. It’s just that our Mom constantly reminds us about being responsible with our studies and to allot time for every task. I study hard because I know I need to do it for myself and for my future and not because my parents wanted me to study and to assure them that every penny spent on my education is worth it. That is one thing I want my children to learn — to grasps the true meaning of responsibility.
As much as possible, I resist the urge to compare my daughters with each other, much more compare them with other kids. I want them to be the best version of themselves, competing with no one other than their own self. I praise them for their achievements, but at the same time I teach them how to be happy for other people’s success.
“I want them to be the best version of themselves, competing with no one other than their own self.”
sherwinelaine.blog
I want them to learn how to be contented with what they have in their life right now but also to never stop dreaming and working hard until they reach their goals without stepping on others. It’s up to them what they want to be when they grow up — no pressure from us, we will support them along the way.
No matter how busy we are with our everyday lives, we must see to it that we make time to talk and play with our kids. Parents nowadays are guilty of letting their kids play on mobile phones/tablets so that they can take some rest after a whole day’s work. I myself is guilty on this one but not to rest, but to be able to do some household chores. Yes, our children will remember the toys we bought for them, but the memories they will treasure the most are the moments we spent with them.
My parents did not raise us as perfect children: prim and proper individuals with straight A grades who can sing, paint, dance and act. But I was a happy child. I smile when I remember what was it like when I was a child. I can tell stories of my childhood to my kids and painting a smile on their faces. That’s what I want — to raise happy children, not perfect ones.
sherwinelaine.blog 